“That’s right,” Rose goes on, leaning against Thandi. “He fucked me. And I bet he’ll do it again.”

“His cock is amazing,” Larissa says on her other side. “Ten inches at least.”

The two women nod sagely as Thandi hugs herself. Charlie really is a rake. All these people… all these people say that he’s been with them! She struggles to get a smile on her face. “That sure sounds nice.”

“It is. And now you’re his personal maid. So that makes you his personal fucktoy.” Larissa licks her lips, giving Thandi a smile with too much teeth. “Enjoy, newbie.”

Thandi is shoved out of the group and she plods back to work. She tidies. Neatens. Organizes. And… wonders. Is her master really at meetings right now? Or are they meetings of the other sort?

She had always heard of him being a rake, but it seems so incongruent with his personality. He doesn’t even like to touch people!

Maybe… maybe she should simply… ask him? 

Tonight. 

Yes.

Her master arrives during the dinner bell and she scrambles for food. Little things she knows he will eat. Nothing too greasy. Nothing too rich. He likes meat but he seems to have a disdain for the cooking that Roseview has…

He sits to start reading reports as she sets up her cart beside him, beginning to feed him dutifully. He leans to take a bite of pasta, brow crimping as he glances at her.

“You are making the face. I told you to ask me anything, Dandelion. You are so worried over your visions that you forget everything else. Like the fact that I abhor tomatoes.”

“Ah! You ate some, though!!!” 

“Mm. Disregard. What is it?”

“Do you know… Rose and Larissa? Maids…”

“I don’t know that I do. I don’t really interact with them.” 

Thandi studies his face. He looks so utterly bored, eyes sliding back to his papers. She takes a deep breath. “They say they’ve been with you.”

“And you believe them?”

“I don’t know!” Thandi pauses with the pasta, setting the fork down so she can fuss with the ring on her finger, a self-soothing motion. “I see you for so little of the day. I meet so many people who tell me things and then they give me details…”

Charlie sets down his papers, his expression growing stormy. “So you do believe them. What sorts of details have they given you, Dandelion? Enlighten me.” He turns his chair to face her, and Thandi suddenly recalls what she was told. You’re his personal fucktoy.

Her visions are filled with him, always him, and she had… had one. That she pushed away. She didn’t want to think about.

But now. Now the vision swims in the back of her mind. His face close to hers, sweaty and red and half-lidded, pupils blown wide. The sensation of heat. 

Thandi is trembling now.

Charlie’s brow twitches. “Well? Did you forget I am right in front of you?”

“N-no!”

“So tell me. What details did they give you?”

“Bedroom habits, sir!”

His eyes widen. “Sir? Sir? How many times have I asked you not to call me sir? Are we frightened again, Dandelion? You’re shaking.”

“I’m sorry!” Thandi nearly sobs, but she stifles it with a deep breath. “I’m sorry. They. They won’t stop talking about it. They. They all…”

“You absolutely believe them.”

“I…”

“You think I’ve been slutting it up. Sowing my wild oats. You think I’ve been fucking around. What else do you think of me? Hm?”

Shoot. A tear rolls down her cheek and he reaches out to brush it away. Thandi flinches from his hand and he pulls back, letting the tear drop.

“Why don’t I have the right to cry in this situation?” He mumbles, standing. Thandi tries not to look directly at him. The vision is taking up a lot of her mind. “Dandelion. Thandi. I am no rake. I don’t have the heart for it.” He pauses, and she finally looks up to see his dark expression directed elsewhere. “You don’t need to sleep on the palette if you don’t want to. If you’re so frightened of becoming one of my lovers. I’m sure there’s plenty of room in the servant’s wing. In the meanwhile, I’ll be going out.”

“Out?! But! Your food—”

“Well, how else am I going to get laid? By staying and getting cozy with you?” He spits it out, shaking his head. His fists are clenched. 

Thandi’s gaze drops. “…understood, master Vanderbee.”

She hears an offended grunt from him before he storms out of his rooms, slamming the door, making her flinch. She… she really messed this up.

What if the vision is wrong? What if she’s wrong?

She sniffles and lets herself cry at last, feeling helpless. He’s run off again. She should have trusted him. 

But trust… is so hard.

Charlie slaps down another book in front of Thandi. She grimaces as she looks up at him. “Is this how you were taught when you were being tutored?”

“Yes. Memorize it and then we will discuss the finer points of Sippari trade routes and the current trading companies.” He taps the cover of the book. “We only have three months until the next edition comes out and we need to review new routes. There are usually only a few small changes each year, so if you memorize this, then we don’t need to worry about memorizing a large amount afterwards.”

Thandi nods, stretching her fingers and readying her notepad as she opens the book. It starts with a complex diagram spread that unfolds from the book, hundreds of lines criss-crossing the map. “This is all Sippari routes…?”

“Only the Sippari routes having to do with Istres. They go everywhere and it truly does make a difference when you need to say, get a message somewhere fast, or send something somewhere, or import something at a moment’s notice.”

“Charlie… most of these don’t affect Roseview… I understand knowing some of these, but… only three end here.”

“Yes, start with those three and radiate out. We manage the territory all along the Green Coast, so we have to know these thirty-seven specifically. But if you look here, see how there are twenty in this region of Boyoma alone? The Delta trades with them, so we’ll have to pay apt attention to what comes and goes.”

Thandi nods and gets to work. She does have a knack for memorizing from books, as much as she has a knack for forgetting things. The patches in her memory are slowly lessening, though, and she feels… useful. She’s happy to help. And Charlie seems to appreciate having someone willing to try to get to his level of understanding of the duchy. It makes her smile.

Thandi pours herself into it with a fervor she once stoked with her magic studies. Now, though, she has company, and a comrade. A rival, even, when a lively debate sparks between them.

“We need a road.” Thandi leans back in her seat, sighing.

“We have roads.”

“Real roads. These dirt and barely cobbled paths are a relic!”

“Certainly we can use more patrols…”

“Oh, come now, Charlie, you’ve walked them as well as I. They’re unkind. Look at these roads in Sippar.” 

“Sippar! Well, if I too had workers that would trade labor for schooling then we wouldn’t be having this conversation!” 

And so on. She enjoys it immensely, and she enjoys further that there’s something else she hadn’t… really gotten when she was with Vitani. Vutani praised her in one breath and then broke her down the next. Charlie… he at first was quite rough, and quite rude, but always constructive. Now it seems like he’s been doing little else but praising her. 

It’s refreshing. Very refreshing.

And… outside.

She can go outside whenever she wants. It doesn’t matter when. If the spirit moves her, she rises and stands out in the sun. She would even stand out in a light drizzle, eyes closed, taking in the sounds and the feeling of warm summer rain misting her skin. Charlie often goes with her, a silent partner there to keep her company.Yes… she does like this new life of hers. It’s truly hers now.

“Shot in the dark, here, but are ya seein anyone?”

The dark-skinned beauty gasps in response, a little squeak that makes Charlie’s whole being melt. Thandi has been the object of his affection for years, and so now… he sent Dean in. To collect more information. Of course she would gasp. How utterly cute. She’ll say no, and Dean will mention he has a friend, and why don’t they meet up…

Thandi laughs awkwardly. “Sorry, Dean. I have someone I’m interested in.”

What? Charlie can’t even hear the rest of their conversation. The world falls out from under him. The woman he loves… has someone. Someone. Someone.

His heart, gods! Who ever knew such pain could exist?!

Charlie quickly nips away, clutching at his chest. He can feel himself one step away from a panic attack. The small impulse to find Thandi like always makes it worse and he stumbles into his office and locks the door before crumpling onto the floor.

He can’t breathe.

He’s gasping for air.

He’s crying.

Oh, fuck him sideways, he’s fucking crying!

Pathetic!!

The only option now is to move on. He can do that. He can. It isn’t as if he’s spent five years pining after the same woman. That they’ve been close for those five years. 

But if she has someone she likes, knowing her… she can’t be persuaded to deviate. And he hadn’t deviated, not once, never… but…

He’s hyperventilating on the floor, knowing that now, maybe his love is a problem.

“So that’s why you want us to help you?”

Charlie nods, sitting up in his chair, legs crossed with his hands folded neatly atop his knee. “Out of everyone I know, I think you and Dean would have the most experience in, ah. This realm.”

“Charlie, I don’t think this is one a’ yer good ideas. I think maybe ya just need to ride out the blow…”

“Ride it out? How could I? I’ve loved her for five years and I could love her for another five. I don’t fancy being a crumpled heap on the fucking floor.”

Ayanda sighs, glancing at Dean. “Maybe we just give him a confidence boost. Take him out. I mean, at the very least, we get a DD, right?”

Dean sighs, hand rising to press his hat atop his head, as if it’s liable to fall off at any moment. “Fine. We’ll work wit’it, but. I also don’t wanna see m’best friend cry like that again.”

Thandi is lustful.

She is lustful and she is damn proud of it.

Oh, for years she had been stifled and shielded from sexuality due in part to Vitani’s machinations and in part of her mother’s near-fanatical control of her beforehand. Thandi hadn’t had a clue what desire felt like, going through puberty and seemingly skipping what many considered a rite of passage. Why, the thought of sex had made her nervous and even a touch frightened.

“It will hurt at first,” her mother always said. “But you let your man finish and you get on with your day. It is an essential part of ensuring your husband is happy.”

Thandi had never thought to ask, but what about me?

Not until something trickled through when she met Charlie. He, too, kept a distance from sexuality— but he knew so much. He had lent her books that featured passionate, romantic scenes that would make a working girl blush, and he spoke with the same coarse language a peasant prided himself on. And somehow, the two inexperienced people came to wonder, mutually, what it might be like to kiss.

Granted, the blood was unexpected, but what struck Thandi was the feeling behind it. The incredible adoration that Charlie developed that made her warm in a way she never knew. Her curse kept their lips from touching, kept them from exploring, but it didn’t keep her from nestling into his arms and holding such an intimate gesture close.

And when she reunited with him, they swallowed each other whole with pent up need.

There was not a single painful moment in her experience. There was only the worship of her body, the birth of light and burst of foliage that made them laugh between hasty kisses and plentiful declarations.

Thandi is not ashamed to enjoy her lover. She isn’t ashamed to have her body loved thoroughly by him. She isn’t ashamed to fall into the depths of the lovemaking they do, slip into the mindspace of her old self to relive her liberation over and over and over.

She hungers for the physical expression of her love, the union of their bodies, the passionate closeness that he has brought into her life.

And really… it brings more satisfaction to her than pleasing Vitani ever did.

Quiet. In the dark of the night, Charlie stares at his bedroom ceiling and longs for the feeling of Thandi curled up against him. Her leg hitched over his side, her head on his shoulder, her arm over his chest. He longs to feel her against him because without her it feels so fucking empty. Rev snoozes on his other side, yes, but it isn’t enough to sate his needs.

It’s been a week of nothing. They had slept together so reliably for years and he put his foot down. She doesn’t need him. So he needs to pull back and let her live her life.

And so he’s been nearly sleepless for nights on end because he feels the ghost of her snug against him and aches to really feel it.

So he stares at the ceiling and longs.

Thandi is stressed and a bit miffed. It’s been a week s8nce Charlie had his little revelation and she is being driven mad. He made such a decision on his own as if he knew what was best for them both!

She doesn’t want to sleep alone. 

She wants to sleep with her boy!

It isn’t fair that his ego is next to nothing and so he has to try to play a martyr for their relationship.

She has been so!  Tired!

That’s it.

She pulls out the key to his room and slips it into the lock. 

The door doesn’t open.

She tugs and the door tugs back. She removes her key and the door flies open, Charlie on the other side. He stares at her and then throws his arms around her.

“I can’t stay away. I miss you. I need you so that I can sleep.”

Thandi can feel her anger melting away as her noy buries his face into her neck as he always does. She feels his tears on her skin and she wraps her arms around him. “I didn’t want you to.”

“But I do nee—”

“I didn’t want you to leave.” 

He pulls back, looking ruddy and surprised. “But… you have your own life to live.”

“During the day. But… imagine! Never seeing your family! Does a husband and wife sleep apart?”

Goodness, she adores that blush that shows in force now. “Husband and wife…?”

Thandi reaches to grab his left hand, pressing it to hers. Their matching rings. His eyes flick over her hand with his.

“Ah… I. I suppose they don’t…”

“I do want to do things separately sometimes but I don’t want to sleep without you. Come to bed.”

He nods and follows after her,  slipping into bed beside her. She assumes her spot at his side, curled up and hitching her leg over him while using his shoulder as a pillow. His arm bolds her steady.

Finally. They’re both at peace.

Thandi pats Charlie’s hand as he hisses from behind her, frightened by a new person. Upperclassmen are not his favorite people… then again, no one is his favorite but her.

“Sorry there!” The young man with the pitchy voice and dark hair gives Charlie an enormous smile. “I didn’t mean to frighten you!”

“I’m really sorry about him,” Thandi says. 

“No need! Arif tells me that my sunny demeanor could be blinding at times!” They laugh boisterously, their own quiet companion studying Charlie and Thandi thoroughly. The young man gestures to them. “This charming sort is my best friend and partner-in-crime, Arif.”

Arif bows their head slightly and then blink ever so slowly… Thandi hears the growling slow to a stop behind her and looks over her shoulder. Charlie stares, mollified, but wary. Arif looks to Thandi. “Nice to meet you, Thandi.”

“Likewise! This is Charlie, by the way. He’s, um. Also my partner-in-crime? But we don’t do any crime! Haha!” She feels her cheeks heat. She must look really silly!

Darshan chuckles. “Birds of a feather flock together, as they say! Our newest students are quite the interesting batch this year. I was terribly sorry to hear about the incident in the dorms. I hope you both were safe?”

“As safe as we could’ve been,” Charlie mumbles.

“That’s good to hear!”

“It isn’t at all! It ate my slime!”

“Aaah… I see. I’m very sorry to hear about that.” Thandi catches a glance between Darshan and Arif. What is it they’re saying with their eyes? Darshan leans down a touch, rousing Charlie’s defensive growl. “I hope you don’t mind us asking, but how did it even get into the dorms?”

“My stupid fucking father—” Charlie is practically spitting his tiny vitriol, and Thandi turns to gather him up in her arms to soothe him preemptively. He wraps his arms around her, growling into her chest while she strokes his head to calm him.

“It was a magic box. The faculty have it now,” Thandi says. “I never got to see it.”

“Ah, shame, shame.”

“Darshan,” Arif says quietly. “It seems we are agitating Charlie quite a lot. Shall we give them their space back?”

“Ah? Yes! Of course, let’s! Apologies, little miss, but hopefully we see you about?”

“I’m sure you will,” Thandi says as she waves goodbye to them both.

Sefu observes his three and a half companions on the road, silently gaining an understanding of each.

Savon is the half, small in stature and making up for it by their boisterous personality. They move quickly, always quickly, and weave their way seamlessly through both conversation and life. A pickpocket and a thief, Sefu has an eye for their talents. They’re someone who would have been both an asset and a liability on the seas. They’ve always got a quip or a jab and seem to have a hobby for getting under people’s skin. This seems to work best on the only one worse than them: Charlie.

Charlie is an East Istrian noble, and that usually says enough about a man, but this one is more than smooth insults and underhanded means. This one is petty and angry and contentious, eager to separate from them and make his way back into what was likely the lap of luxury. He does pay mind to the woman who brought them together, though, as her persistent nature has managed to drill through his thick skull.

Her name is Thandi and she is poisonously cheerful. This is the sort of person he and Fadir would never allow on a ship— her personality and optimism extends into the ridiculous. Her strangeness also makes it infinitely more difficult to understand her motives. Sefu accepted his role, yes, in the interest of the power it could afford him. He let himself get whisked away after telling Fadir to take care of the ship.

He sighs as he pulls out his pipe. A small fire sparks to life, hovering over the finger of a young teen Outsider girl. Hinata. Sefu leans forward to accept the light, puffing a touch as his pipe tobacco begins to glow red. “Mister Sefu sir,” she says, “Are you hungry?”

“Hmmm.” He takes a long draw on his pipe, a gift from Fadir. He does miss the man at times, and this would be one. “I could eat.”

Hinata smiles at him and bobs slightly, politely, before moving to Thandi’s side to get a bowl of soup for him. She is a good girl from the frozen part of Hokuto, off edgewise of the Disc. Her family taught her well, though she’s prone to being a teenager at times, she has a good head on her shoulders. She returns to give him a bowl and he nods his thanks. 

Hinata bows once more before returning for her share. Sefu takes another long pull. Savon is eating heartily. Charlie is refusing to touch the dish. And Thandi seems to have forgotten to count herself among those needing food. He watches Savon laugh and Hinata offers to split hers, until Charlie butts in to simply give her his bowl.

Hmm. It will take more time to understand.

The soup, at least, is good.

Words are still not coming to him. Not easily. He runs on want and need and the basest drive of life.

Persist.

When Thandi speaks, he can’t understand. He can’t form the words or make the thoughts communicable. He simply wants her and wants her to understand that she has him now, and she shall never want for anyone else.

Mother of course reminds him that there is a need for her help, but she understands that being alive means to suffer from emotion. He does not know why it is suffering but he knows that he likes it well enough. He has lots of time to get help. And he has lots of time to mate.

She seems scared, so he pulls a small word from the dark depths of memory. Safe. “Thandi safe.” He won’t hurt her. He won’t be cruel. He simply wants to be with her. She seems hesitant, so he eases her. Every step, he tries to understand desperately her desires until they both overlap and she seems to understand. They are mates now, and he will always take care of her. He will make sure she is fed and warm and happy. He will make sure she feels good and has everything she needs for kittens. He is eager to start chasing after the thing that he wanted and doesn’t remember. He is eager for her.

For a long time, he simply is.

There is a sense of loss, a sense of loneliness, but it is mollified by instinct and animal thought and Mother. A different Mother, one who wraps him up tight and holds onto him until such a time as he is ready to be born anew.

But Mother, she is sick, and she is dying. Her heart was never the kindest, but it was never hateful, not until a visitor came and he was pushed out, out, out. At the time he thought little of it. Just that he had to keep doing what instinct told him to do.

And instinct brought him to savagery, then fascination. A fascination. He watches a new visitor. The opposite of the other. A light. She is a walking light. She speaks and it tickles something in the back of his basest mind. Awakens a desire in him to… to… something. 

He wanted something once.

A long time ago.

Something he couldn’t have.

But now, here… watching her. He has it.

Thandi feels Charlie lay a charm on her ear as he curls against her, an arm under her head and the other over her side. She smiles to herself as she takes a deep breath. 

Every night now they sleep against one another. Ever since the incident in their first year, she’s laid with him and comforted him and made sure that he was relaxed. Safe.

A whisper tickles her ear. “Thandi.”

“Mm?” She reaches up to pat his arm gently, feeling him tense slightly. Her touch makes him relax again, taking a deep breath.

“This is okay, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Or… what do you mean?:

“You don’t not want to do it?”

“Don’t… not want. Hm.” That’s a spicy double negative. “I do want it. I always do.”

“You don’t want to do this with anyone else?”

“Why would I want to?”

“Because of me.”

Ah… she knows all too well the melancholy tendencies of her boy. Always doubting. And she has given him reason to doubt before. Pushing back against how he clings to her. Pushing to be alone sometimes. Pushing, once… pushing him. His denials. Six years of their back and forth has made him fearful. Even with how he’s changed through the years.

“Charlie,” she says slowly. “I won’t be leaving you. I live with you, you silly goose.”

“Yes, but… I know… you want…” He swallows, pressing his face into her neck to steady his nerves. “Independence. To be the best. You. You want a lot. I. I don’t. I just. I just… herbology… potions…”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a healer, Charlie.”

“But planar magic is going to take you places. Literally… and you won’t want me around for that.”

“Who says that I won’t?”

Charlie squeezes her. “You never know.”

“I do know. I know I’ll never be alone again. Never again.” 

His breath hitches at that and… he sniffles. Squeezes her tighter. Tears. They nearly never talk about what happened, but… this. This warm intensity. She needs it as much as he does. “Never.”