On Orgasm Control

saint madoc — Thu, 04 Mar 2021 21:02:54 +0000

My Dearest Thandi,
I do frequently think on variations of lovemaking with you. After counseling so many people on their sexual proclivities, I often consider momentarily how I could perhaps make things more interesting for the both of us.
While I imagine the typical scenarios often, I do wonder if you would lend me a degree of control. It sounds indelicate, but I would like to make you beg for me to let you come. I know, I know, wouldn’t most men enjoy hearing their partners beg for relief? But I mean this in a rather cruel way. I want to make you feel so good that it’s nearly torture. That in the moment, you’re so out of your mind for me to allow you to come that you try to fuck the very air.
There is a practice called edging, my love. I wonder if you would have heard of it. The process is to bring you to near-orgasm repeatedly, until you’re nothing but a trembling pile of want. The sensitivity of your body increases with each repetition. It builds up and up and up until relief is brought in the form of a good come.
Gods, Thandi, it gets me hard to think about it. I have practiced it on myself, imagining you here— yes, I would be willing to trade places and let you be the one to inflict the condition— and each time I practice on myself, I get more excited to use my experience on you. Of course, I need to familiarize myself with how your body reacts to my teasing and touching.
And of course, it may take time to get there. I’ve no clue if or when you will read this, so perhaps I will have already done it by the time you read this. Or perhaps you will read and want to try it? I imagine you asking so prettily with those excited eyes of yours. Curious, excited, embarrassed all at once. It’s adorable. You were always so adorable when we spoke of intimacy before.
To be able to exercise control over your body in such a way… I’m not entirely certain why it excites me. Perhaps the trust in me. Perhaps the idea that you would be begging me to pleasure you. Perhaps the reward of hearing you at the end. Perhaps the satisfaction that I’ve served you well as a lover and know you so intimately.
Regardless.
There are certain things I would like to try. Of course, I will wait to try them— a first time together should be nothing but pure love and passion and adoration, I think. I want to follow the mood and need for the first time. And I imagine we both would be nervous. And perhaps I think more on it than you. Though… five years changes someone a lot. Will you be disappointed to find me different from the Charlie you knew? Will you be upset to meet a man who wants to hear you beg him for satisfaction rather than the demure and prudish one of times past?
Knowing you and loving you has created such a demand in me, my love. My wants and needs have only multiplied with the years. I’ve gone from a thoroughly asexual creature to a man who is determined to make sure that his wife enjoys the process of lovemaking on our journey to the family we want.
I suppose there isn’t much point in speculating. I simply hope that when we meet again, you simply find more to love than disappointment.
Much love,
Your Charlie

On Sex as an Expression of Love

saint madoc — Thu, 04 Mar 2021 18:43:05 +0000

My Dearest Thandi,
I hope that if you read these, you aren’t disturbed by the musings regarding sexuality. I need you to know that for me, the love part comes before the lovemaking. I never felt attracted or aroused by anyone before you and it continues to be you that I imagine. I imagine it may be something to which you’ve given thought as well, seeing as we had discussed children as a major facet of marriage.
Five.
~~I want to fuck five babies into you and raise a happy family.~~
I’m sorry, that sounded rather rough. What I mean is, I want to mutually enjoy the process of child-making. I want to show you how much I love you by giving you every part of me. I want to use my body as an expression of affection and thanks and love. I want to make you feel good. I want to make you happy.
You might be wondering, “Oh? What prompted my darling honey to write on this topic? I was rather enjoying reading his daily log of meals and peanuts shelled for our feathered son!”
(Granted, I am making assumptions. It has been a while and perhaps you would have enjoyed my note taking if it were more precise. I think my memory has been slightly improved by having Rev here to remember anything I come up short on. Although sometimes he will also scorn someone and refuse to tell me their name. Do you recall Corncob? That was a trip.)
Anyhow, I broach this topic after I healed someone of a venereal disease. Caught from a prostitute who came to see me later, crying because of the interruption to his work. That was awkward, as a doctor. Well, the person who first came in was complaining about how this would get him caught with ‘the ol ball and chain’.
And then he told me I should think about giving it a whirl, to which I replied, I’m happily married, fuck off, and he stormed off and left too kuch money, so I gave it to the crying prostitute and encouraged him to rest for a while so he could heal the stress in his life. And also because I would really rather him not catch it again.
It’s truly disturbing to me to see a whole chain of people in like that. The wife came in later and I advised her to get a divorce and run. Admittedly, I gave her money to buy her fare to her sister’s place. I’ve become something of a bleeding heart, Cilantro says.
The point of all of this is to say I cannot fathom how one would share intimacy with anyone less than their trusted partners. Obviously, I know that variants exist, and I use that knowledge to advise faaar too many people with that knowledge. I mean, who am I to condemn it?
(I imagine I take after mother and Josiah. They’ve been together a long time and once I get back to Roseview, I’m going to kill Byron myself.)
My entire being is dedicated to you and you alone. People aside from you fill me with the usual revulsion. To be touched by anyone else would cause me to remove my skin entirely and walk off looking like page 65 of Practical Anatomy. Why in all of Alleria would I want to profane the sanctity of our relationship? I’m made for one person in the universe.
Honestly, that’s what I end up thinking fairly often. The only person in all the worlds that I could love with my whole self. I think it may be why Cilantro took pity on me when I first appeared in his realm after you… exploded. He told me after a few days that you were alive. Of course, he insists you’re doing something important, of such importance that I cannot come near.
I am 80% certain he is lying about that last sentence. He always sprinkles in foreboding things and then drops me in Faerûn. You know, like an asshole. I’m still thinking fondly on godhood so I may kick his ass so hard he speaks in flatulence.
In any case? I cannot stray. I can only be aroused by you. I wonder a bit at my mental health in this regard but I don’t find it particularly noteworthy or dangerous to love your wife and family.
I miss you, dearest. I hope you come home soon.
Much Love,
Your Charlie

5 year gap journal – Good Saint Madoc

On Orgasm Control

On Sex as an Expression of Love